Posted on July 26, 2012 by Hobart Fowlkes

I am Schmuel.  Bad news.  Never anything but bad news I read! My wife, Golda, says I shouldn’t read.  I become too verklempt and the doctor he tells me it’s no good for my blood pressure. “Think happy thoughts,” he says.  Happy thoughts?  That doctor he doesn’t know from my pain.  40 years I worked in the diamond exchange on 47th Street.  My own small shop.  My son?  Not interested in jewelry, he says. Won’t go to college.  He left schul one day when he was 17, and for two weeks we heard nothing.  Then he called. Met a girl, he says.  Now he is 18, in a rock band he’s playing and all night he schtups a shiksa.  Oy.  What did I do?  Why are you punishing me? Which of your laws did I break?  Happy thoughts?  I have no happy thoughts, only pain.  I am worse than verklempt.  God, if you are listening, please find Joel a nice Jewish girl. Amen